Concert Review: Metalocalypse tour at the Uptown featuring Dethklok and Mastodon
Strange occurrences throughout the metro last night. A baby born deaf heard her mother’s voice for the first time. A veteran wounded in Iraq spontaneously regenerated an amputated leg. A note was discovered on the smoking ruins where the Phelps family
| Scott Spychalski |
headquarters was located, reading: “We have placed the children with child services to be given to loving, tolerant families, set ourselves on fire, and hired a dump truck to salt the earth at dawn tomorrow so nothing will ever grow here again. Sorry about everything. And we mean everything.”
This can only be the miraculous ripple effect of the Metalocalypse tour stop in Kansas City, where three of the best metal bands working today and the best cartoon metal band of all time came together to hurt you so bad. I’m going to get certain overused metal review phrases out of the way right now, so if you just want to read a condensed version of the review and then get on with your day, you can leave after this paragraph. Brutal, jackhammering, fuck, hard poop, massacre, thrusting jackhammering of brutality, hammer, death, scorched-ass donkey punch.
