Civilian Review: Vans Warped Tour 2009

Editor’s Note: In response to a challenge that arose out of the comments section of my Black Francis review, stout and hearty music fan That Guy (known to his friends as Bryan Hobby), took to the hills and dales of Sandstone to review the Vans Warped Tour from his own perspective. I commend his bravery and determination. Someone get That Guy a beer. — Jason Harper

BY THAT GUY

I was an angry young man living in Salt Lake City when I attended my first Warped Tour in 1995. The 15-band, one-stage lineup was decent for its day. With acts from the fringes of the rock world, including Deftones, No Doubt, Sublime and L7, the Warped Tour set a precedent of bringing “the best bands you’ve never heard of” to a nationwide audience.

Skipping forward to the present, I’m no longer angry and no longer young. The Warped Tour, now in its 15th year, with 70 (or so) acts spread out over 7 stages, hasn’t really changed.

They still bring in acts from the outer reaches and stack them next to old favorites that you have always wanted to see. That is, unless you are one of the hundreds of the “under 16” crowd. In that case, the Warped tour is bringing your new favorite band that you are dying to see and stacking them next to the bands your older brother listened to.

Either way, you are going to hear some things you love and some things you don’t.

Tour founder Kevin Lyman said it best in a 2007 interview “…if you’re not open minded and willing to see some diverse music, stay home.”

With that, lets go over this year’s showcase. I’m just hitting the high and low points here. There’s no way to write a comprehensive review without boring the hell out of all involved parties.

I arrived at 11 a.m. …