Cheaters Never Win
It’s astonishing how open Screen Gems has been about screening Slackers for reviewers. Dim, youth-oriented sex comedies like this often slip into theaters under cover of darkness. Not that critical appraisal really matters to such films; if it did, Freddie Prinze Jr. would be working along Santa Monica Boulevard rather than on the big screen. The fact that a studio actually wants critics to see its college movie would seem like a good sign, especially when it features Rushmore star Jason Schwartzman in his first major role since that rightfully acclaimed 1999 Wes Anderson comedy.
Alas, Slackers sucks. It’s so wretched Schwartzman can’t save it, though he tries mightily; a flash of nudity from model-turned-actress James King isn’t even worth the price of a video rental down the line.
The fundamental problem is one of audience identification: the leads are all disagreeable. We’re introduced to protagonists who pass the time by cheating: Dave (Idle Hands‘ Devon Sawa), the confident pretty face; Sam (Freaks and Geeks‘ Jason Segel), the mastermind; and Jeff (Michael C. Maronna, Stuart from Ameritrade’s TV ads), the weirdo. They’ve reached their senior year by arranging elaborate scams that eliminate the need for any actual studying and instead require such a degree of deception they have no close friends other than each other.
But a woman comes along to screw up the male bonding. While taking an exam on Sam’s behalf, Dave breaks protocol and gives his phone number to a looker named Angela (King). His action catches the eye of hyperactive nerd “Cool Ethan” (Schwartzman), who’s obsessed with Angela. Ethan confronts the cheaters and threatens to expose them unless they hook him up with the dream girl.
There is a slight twist. Ethan appears amiable at first, but he is swiftly revealed as a deranged stalker with a massive shrine to Angela in his house, complete with a collection of her hair woven into a doll. He becomes impossible to root for once his unhinged side is revealed.
Writer David H. Steinberg (responsible for the far-superior American Pie 2) allegedly based this on his own experiences at Yale, though you wouldn’t think he’d want to admit it even if it were true. Desperate for substance, he finally resorts to gross-out gags — shower urination, public masturbation and the sight of Schwartzman licking the aging breasts of former pin-up girl Mamie Van Doren — that serve only to make the characters even less likable. Only Laura Prepon (Donna on That ’70s Show) emerges relatively unscathed in a complete change-of-pace role as the bad-girl roommate into bondage. If you must see this movie, at least stay after the credits for an outtake from Cameron Diaz’s cameo that’s funnier than anything in the script.
