Campaign Furniture Reform
Kansas and Missouri have seen their share of presidential politics. Harry Truman grew up in Independence, Bob Dole ran for president four years ago and John Ashcroft’s cabinet nomination raised a stink nationwide. But in an act of campaign-reforming performance art, Claire Joyce and Kate Legere begin their 2004 presidential campaign tour this week (in celebration of President’s Day). And they won’t create a stink anywhere. They wouldn’t dream of it.
The goal of their party, the Domesticratic Party, is to “redecorate and improve America,” making it comfy and safe. They’ve even lined their RV with pink satin from vintage nightgowns. “If we can’t redecorate an RV,” Joyce notes, “how are we going to redecorate America?”
They envision themselves as national mothers. During their six-month tour, they will visit big cities and small towns to find out what kind of mothers America needs.
Legere has some theories about the 2000 elections: “They needed some naps, those guys.” She also believes the candidates should have “used their words with each other and expressed how they felt,” a task that continues to challenge George W. Bush.
Joyce and Legere think it’s time the job goes to a woman — or two. “It’s taking two women to outsmart the one-man show that currently exists,” asserts their hot-pink pamphlet, which is adorned with images of strong, supportive bras.
Their policies range from a firm stance on sexual harassment (“I’d count to three, and if he didn’t change his behavior, I’d send him to his office,” says Legere of any potential White House scandal) to an open-arms immigration policy. (“We’ve got lots of places to put immigrants. How many people live in Wyoming? We could fill Wyoming up with immigrants,” Joyce notes.) Their real focus, however, is baking. It’s the Domesticratic approach to foreign policy. Since the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, they believe they can create international peace with a baking army.
Shared baking experiences also demonstrate their ability to handle crises. Joyce recalls the fudge incident. Legere was so excited to make fudge that she started baking even though she didn’t have a thermometer. She found out that “it needed to be exactly 238 degrees for a reason.” The second time, “the fudge reached 238 degrees too quickly. I was panicking.” She poured the ingredients into the blender right away instead of waiting.
The blender started smoking, and Joyce responded promptly with emotional support.
“If you can’t stand the heat,” notes Legere, “get out of the kitchen. You know, at that point, I did. And I realize that there are things I can’t handle by myself.”
As soon as the women get their show on the road, their Web site will allow the party faithful to track their progress. After the tour, Joyce will stay in Kansas City to “man” the election while Legere takes off for the Pacific Islands as a Peace Corps member, an experience she hopes will expose her to exotic new recipes.
