Booze Breath 101
For more Kansas Citians than we can count, St. Patrick’s Day is among the year’s most sacred holidays. Not all employers share that opinion, though, and when the holy March 17 falls on a weekday, not everyone is lucky enough to get the day off.
Revelers ourselves, we’ve been wondering how a hardworking leprechaun might stay in his boss’s good graces after a morning o’ partying. So we asked an expert, William Morgan, Ph.D., a professor at the University of Missouri-Kansas City’s School of Biological Sciences, what kind of alcohol we could drink without encountering trouble upon our return to the office.
The Pitch: Would whiskey be stronger on a person’s breath than beer or a mixed drink?
Morgan: Well, you’ve got two things going. Whatever you smell is aromatic — things that go up into the air that you can smell. You can smell alcohol. It’s not very strong, but you can smell it. And so, if you have just a little tiny bit of alcohol, then it’s not that easy to detect.
Alcohol by itself doesn’t have a very strong smell. Whenever somebody’s been drinking for a while, and they have this really strange breath? That’s the metabolites from the alcohol — ketones and things like that. Those are metabolic byproducts of alcohol, and they give you a really funny smell on your breath. When you start drinking, the alcohol’s being absorbed and being metabolized … but ketones don’t get metabolized. They’re in your blood, and your blood and your lungs exchange — that’s how you breathe — and these things will come out in your lungs, and you’ll be breathing them for hours. So there’s no way to cover it up and totally fool everybody all the time after a certain point. You can probably get away with one, but, you know, anything more than that, it’s going to show one way or another.
If someone takes a straight shot of alcohol, like vodka or something, and you immediately smell their breath, it’s not very strong, but you can still smell something. With time, it goes away. If you take the same amount of vodka and dilute it with water, it doesn’t smell as strong. But again, that’ll go away with time because the volatile things will be breathed out.
If you have something that sticks around in your stomach — like beer or wine — your breath will have the alcohol smell and the aromatic compounds that are in the beer or wine. So if you drink beer, the alcohol will smell a little bit, but the beer part will smell, too. And that’ll stay longer because beer will sit in your stomach for a while. Same thing with wine.
What about mixed drinks?
Again, the alcohol goes away, but then you smell the other things in the mixed drink, like tonic or these other things that remind you of drinks. The best thing, if you want to do it, is to drink diluted vodka and take cough drops. Cough drops are great because they cover up a lot of stuff.
Why cough drops?
They have a very strong aroma, a lot of aromatic compounds that cover up all other smells because they’re so strong. The eucalyptus flavor covers up a lot of stuff.
What about those strips that dissolve on your tongue?
I haven’t tried those. They kind of have a smell of their own.
What about, say, peppermint schnapps?
Well, that kinda smells like a mouthwash, but the alcohol part will still be there. Until it’s left your stomach, you’ll still be able to smell it.
Can people fill their stomachs with food to kill the smell?
Oh, yeah, food will help. Sure. But there’s only a certain amount you can cover up. If you have even a couple of drinks over a period of time, it’s harder to cover up.
So you suggest slamming a drink and then going to the parade?
Yeah, slam it, go to the parade, let it go away and then go back to work. It just takes time to clear it off.
Does smoking cigarettes cover it up or just make it worse?
It covers it up. Anything that overpowers that smell.
Maybe some garlic?
Garlic would probably work. Garlic’s good for you anyway.
What about brushing the tongue with a toothbrush?
That will help, but the main thing is that once you get that stuff in your system, you can only metabolize a certain amount with time. And if you exceed that, you start getting these other things in your blood, and a certain amount of that will be coming out in your breath just because it’s in your blood, and your blood is exchanging gases and things with the air through your lungs.
That kind of gross, stale smell?
Yeah. So you can freshen up and do all kinds of things to clean up, but I don’t know of any foolproof method. Chemically you’re stuck, you know?
Do you have any St. Patrick’s Day plans? Are you sneaking out of the office?
Actually, I have to work that day. It hardly ever comes on a good day for me.
Friday
Beaumont Club: St. Patrick’s Day Hoolie with the Elders, Shenanigans, the Kelihans and the O’Riada Academy of Irish Dance, 10 p.m. $20-$30. 4050 Pennsylvania, 816-561-2668.
Saturday
Community Christian Church: Lunasa; 8 p.m., $17-$20. 4601 Main, 816-691-8717.
Monday
W.J. McBride’s: Eddie Delahunt. 12030 Blue Valley Pkwy., Overland Park, 913-451-3100.
Wednesday
MARCH 17
Abe and Jake’s Landing DJ, drink specials. 8 E. 6th St., Lawrence, 785-312-7116.
America’s Pub: St. Patty’s Day Party, late show with Thrust, 11 a.m. 510 Westport Rd., 816-531-1313.
Argosy Casino: Food and drink specials. 777 N.W. Argosy Pkwy., North Kansas City, 816-746-3100.
Balanca’s Pyro Room: St. Patty’s Day Party, with drink specials. and DJ. 1809 Grand, 816-474-6369.
B.B.’s Lawnside BBQ: Shinetop Jr. 7-10 p.m. Boulevard draft $2.50. 1205 E. 85th St., 816-822-7427.
Barley’s Brewhaus: St. Patty’s Day Party with food and drink specials. 9083 Metcalf Ave., Overland Park, 913-642-4450.
Benders: St. Patty’s Day Party with the Kelihans, Jon Stubbelfield, Zico, Fenway Park, Honeywagen, Star Truck, Firefly Alliance, and Roundheels, 6 a.m. and 10 a.m.-8 p.m. $5, late show cover, early show free, corned beef and cabbage breakfast. 1118 McGee, 816-221-7722.
Blayney’s: Smokestack Lightning, Big Boys; 11 a.m., 3-7 p.m. and 8 p.m.-1 a.m. 415 Westport Rd., 816-561-3747.
The Bottleneck: Starlight Mints, Deathray Davies, Dressy Bessy. 737 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785-841-5483.
The Brick: St. Patty’s Day Party, brunch with corned beef and cabbage and drink specials, 10 a.m. 1727 McGee, 816-421-1634.
Buddies: St. Patty’s Day Party. 3715 Main, 816-561-2600
Buzzard Beach:St. Patty’s Day Party with drink specials. 4110 Pennsylvania, 816-753-4455.
Cactus Grill: St. Patty’s Day Party with DJ, food and drink specials. 11849 Roe Ave., Leawood, 913-345-9933.
Café New Yorker: St. Patty’s Day Party with food and drink specials.7300 W. 119th St., Overland Park, 913-469-0969.
Canyon Café: St. Patty’s Day Party with food and drink specials. 4626 Broadway, 816-561-6111.
Charlie Hooper’s: St. Patty’s Day Party with food and drink specials. 12 W. 63rd St.
Crabs on Broadway: St. Patty’s Day Party with food and drink specials. 3601 Broadway, 816-531-6199.
Danny’s Bar and Grill: DJ Bobby Keys. 13350 College Blvd., Overland Park, 913-345-9717.
Davey’s Uptown Ramblers Club: The Kelihans, noon, no cover. 3402 Main, 816-753-1909.
Donovan’s Grill: Food and drink specials. 6825 N. Oak Tfwy., 816-420-9099.
Drafter’s Downtown: Greg Camp, Tom Hall, Rick Yord, 8-11 p.m. 323 W. 8th St., 816-472-4001.
Empire Room: Steve Thorell. 334 E. 31st St., 816-561-2640.
Filling Station: St. Patty’s Day Party, with drink specials, DJ and food. 11515 Hickman Mills Dr., Hickman Mills, 816-767-9999.
Fred P. Ott’s: St. Patty’s Day Party, with drink specials, 11 a.m. 4770 J.C. Nichols Pkwy., 816-753-2878.
Fuzzy’s South: St. Patty’s Day Party, with drink specials. 1227 W. 103rd St., Overland Park, 913-941-7702.
Gator’s Eight: St. Patty’s Day Party, with karaoke, green beer and corned beef and cabbage. 6712 N.W. Tower Dr., Platte Woods, 816-746-8888.
Grand Emporium: Jeff Scheetz and Choozy Mothers; 8:30 p.m. $5, first fifty paid admissions receive a free Choozy Mothers CD; $1 off all import beers. 3832 Main, 816-531-1504.
Granfallon Bar and Grill: St. Patty’s Day Party with food and drink specials. 608 Ward Pkwy., 816-753-7850.
Grand Street Café: Corned beef and cabbage. 4740 Grand, 816-561-8000.
Harling’s Upstairs: Jonathan Ramsey. 2 p.m.-1 a.m. Guinness special. 3941 A Main, 816-531-0303.
Harpo’s: St. Patty’s Day Party, 11 a.m., drink specials. 4109 Pennsylvania, 816-753-3434.
Harry’s: St. Patty’s Day Party, with drink and food specials. 501 Westport Rd., 816-561-3950.
Holly’s Pub and Grill: DJ Dangerous Dave. 11802 Blue Ridge Blvd., 816-767-9500.
The Hurricane: Shots Fired. 4048 Broadway, 816-753-0884.
Jazzhaus: That Acoustic Jam Thing, $2 drink specials. 926 1/2 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-1387.
Jerry’s Bait Shop: Live entertainment, drink specials. 13412 Santa Fe, Overland Park, 913-894-9676.
Jilly’s on Broadway: St. Patty’s Day Party, open mike hosted by Mike Medeiros, 8 a.m., $5, drink specials all day. 1744 Broadway, 816-221-4977.
Johnny O’Quigley’s: St. Patty’s Day Party with food and drink specials. 6312 N. Chatham Ave., 816-587-2110.
Johnny’s Tavern: St. Patty’s Day Party with drink specials. 6765 W. 119th St., Overland Park, 913-451-4542.
Kabal: Mike Scott, Soul Providers, C-Smooth.503 Walnut, 816-471-0017.
Kelly’s: St. Patty’s Day Party; 10 a.m., $2, cover will benefit Welcome House. 500 Westport Road, 816-561-0635.
Kobi’s Bar and Grill: St. Patty’s Day Party, 10 a.m.-2 a.m. $1.00 green beer, $1 kamikazis. 113 Oak, Bonner Springs, 913-422-5657.
Lafferty’s Lounge: DJ with drink specials. 6301 Blue Pkwy., 816-924-6888.
Legends Sports Restaurant: St. Patty’s Day Party with drink specials. 858 S. 291 Hwy. 816-792-3001.
Lucky Brewgrille: $2 green beer, fish and chips, corned beef and cabbage, and reubens. 5401 Johnson Dr., Mission, 913-403-8571.
McCoy’s Public House and Brew Kitchen: St. Patty’s Day Party with food and drink specials. 4057 Pennsylvania Ave., 816-960-0866.
Mike’s Tavern: St. Patty’s Day Party with DJ, karaoke, food and drink specials. 5424 Troost, 816-444-3399.
Mike Kelly’s Westsider: St. Patty’s Day Tent Party with Allied Saints and Phil and Gary, 9-1 a.m. 1515 Westport Rd., 816-931-9417.
Molloy Brothers Irish Pub: Camp Harlow, Eddie Delahunt, the Kelihans With the Zeros, 8 a.m.; St. Patty’s Day Party with food and drink specials. 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207.
O’Dowd’s Little Dublin Irish Pub: St. Patty’s Day Party with Eddie Delahunt; 6:30 p.m., with food and drink specials. 4742 Pennsylvania, 816-341-1700.
O’Malley’s Pub: Tullamore with Sean McRatagan and Mickey Mulligan, 3 p.m.; Bob Reeder; 8 p.m.; food and drink specials. 500 Welt Street, Weston, 816-640-5235.
Paddy O’Quigley’s: St. Patty’s Day Party with food and drink specials. 11851 Roe Ave., Leawood, 913-345-1119.
The Peanut: St. Patty’s Day Party with food and drink specials. 6024 Antioch, Gladstone, 816-454-7200.
The Peanut: St. Patty’s Day Party with food and drink specials. 7042 W. 76th St., Overland Park, 913-491-0288.
The Point: St. Patty’s Day Party with DJ, drink specials. 917 W. 44th Street, 816-561-7660.
Porter’s Bar and Deli: St. Patty’s Day Party with food and drink specials. 4112 Pennsylvania, 816-931-3663.
The Quaff: St. Patty’s Day Party with corned beef and cabbage, green beer and drink specials. 1010 Broadway, 816-471-1918.
The Replay Lounge: The Demons, the Drapes. 946 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-7676.
River Market Brewery: St. Patty’s Day Party with food and drink specials, green beer and corned beef and cabbage. 500 Walnut St., 816-471-6300.
The Roadhouse: St. Patty’s Day Party with food and drink specials. 20300 Holmes Road, Belton, 816-331-4867.
The Roxy: St. Patty’s Day Party with Karaoke dance party and wet bathing suit competition, food and drink specials, 9 p.m.-1 a.m. $5. 7230 W 75th St., Overland Park, 913-236-6211.
Salsa Grill: St. Patty’s Day Party with DJ, food and drink specials. 6508 Martway, Mission, 913-362-4921.
Segafredo Zanetti Espresso: DJ Bill Pile. 919 W. 47th St., 816-561-0226.
75th St. Brewery: St. Patty’s Day Party with live music, food and drink specials. 520 W. 75th St., 816-523-4677.
Time Zone Sports Bar and Grill: St. Patty’s Day Party with DJ, karaoke and drink specials. 14816 E. 40 Hwy. 816-373-5757.
Twin City Tavern: St. Patrick’s Day Tent Party: $1.50 Budweiser draws, $2.50 Boulevard Irish Ale draws and Unfiltered Wheat draws, $3.50 Guinness cans, $1 green Jell-O shots, $3 Irish whiskey shots, 11 a.m. no cover.Westport Rd. and State Line, 816-753-5956
W.J. McBride’s: St. Patty’s Day Party with Shenanigans; 9 a.m. and 3-6 p.m.; Bob Reeder. 2-4 p.m.; Eddie Delahunt; 11 a.m.; food and drink specials. 12030 Blue Valley Pkwy., Overland Park, 913-451-3100.
XO: Playboy’s 50th Anniversary Club Tour, with playmates, cyber girls, models and music, $65-$146. 3954 Central St., 816-753-0112.
