Bob Rivers

Do you know someone who deserves a musical lump of coal? If so, there could be no better symbol of your disenchantment than a Bob Rivers CD. Rivers (a longtime “morning zoo” radio hack) carved a niche for himself as the king of the Christmas parody song by issuing a string of noxious holiday albums throughout the ’90s. This season he returns with the appropriately titled White Trash Christmas, which includes “Osama Got Run Over by a Reindeer” and “Be Claus I Got High.” Even those with low comedy standards will remain stone-faced as they sit through “What If Eminem Did Jingle Bells,” which features a Marshall Mathers wanna-be rapping You playin’ reindeer games?/Hell, yeah, my friend/Grab Rudolph’s horns and see how far they bend. Rivers even remakes Jethro Tull’s “Aqualung” (“Aquaclaus”) into something so wretched, one starts to believe Ian Anderson and company might’ve deserved that Grammy after all. This sonic fruitcake offers no merit as a listening experience, but it’s guaranteed to bring misery to any Grinch on your Xmas shit list.