Blame the Bisque
Hip-hop MC Priceless Diamonds describes herself as a “boss bitch” who grew up boosting clothes and turning the occasional trick. She’s no angel, but she’s got advice. This week, she offers the first installment of the Priceless Gift Guide, because even boss bitches love the holidays.
For the extra girl, the fourth or fifth or sixth wheel in a group of close friends:
Evidently she’s trying to be on the team, so I’d give her a couple of VIP passes to the hottest clubs in Kansas City. I know a lot of the club owners, so I’d get it for free, then she’d think I spent a fortune. If you don’t have connections, how about a McDonald’s Arch Card?
For Larry Johnson:
A key to the city, like they gave Bow Wow. I think LJ deserves it more than Bow Wow. If you can’t score that, how about Donald Goines’ book collection?
For the sister you hate:
Fruitcake. Everybody hates fruitcake. They got those nuts in there and ew. If you don’t want your mom to know you hate her, get her a bootleg copy of 50 Cent’s Get Rich or Die Trying. Like, quit hating on me. Get out and get it.
For your cranky neighbor:
I always send my cranky neighbors desserts, like pies and cookies. M&M Bakery at 31st Street and Woodland has the best cheesecake in the world. It comes in these little round tarts, and some have cherries on top or strawberries.
For your baby’s mamma:
A $500 gift card from Mario Tricoci on the Country Club Plaza. You need that renovation with these babies. Those babies drain you. With that, you can get hair done, massage, facial, cut, color, all that. A whole new makeover.
For your ex:
A dildo from Priscilla’s at 39th Street and Rainbow. He’s such a pussy. And a card that says, “I hope you’re happy, because I am.”
Got a question only Priceless can answer? E-mail her at boss.bitch@pitch.com.
Blame the Bisque
Sports fans have long toyed with the idea that NFL players who endorse Campbell’s Chunky Soup become cursed and fall prey to injury. But does the Maine lobster bisque at the elegant Peppercorn Duck Club produce the same effect?
Broncos quarterback Jake Plummer recently ordered this luscious starter the night before the big Chiefs-Broncos matchup. His 12-member posse included his dad, backup quarterback Bradlee Van Pelt and, of course, Plummer’s scraggly pornstache.
According to Peppercorn Duck Club staffers, the merry party ordered three lobster bisques. On Jake’s order, the server used crème fraîche to scribble a message to the free-footed QB: “No bootlegs, please.” On the other two orders, the soups predicted “Chiefs 24, Broncos 27.”
Plummer’s reaction to this alphabet soup? “He laughed. They got a crack out of it, especially his dad,” the staffer says. “I was going to write, ‘Chiefs 27, Broncos 24,’ but I didn’t want to offend the guy. It’s not appropriate to do that.”
“Plus, your tip depended on that, and you didn’t want to piss him off,” another staffer adds. When Plummer’s dad and another guy split the tab, they left a lineman-sized tip.
At Arrowhead the next day, Plummer managed only one bootleg for 8 yards. Perhaps he should’ve skipped the soup.
Bus Derby
As snow began to fall December 7 and the roads got, well, shitty, it wasn’t surprising when a bus skidded out of control down the hill on 16th Street just south of Bartle Hall. Driving along behind it, a Pitch reporter watched as the 40-foot behemoth bounced off a Hyundai like a pinball.
What was surprising, however, was that the bus kept going.
Reporters are curious, if not nosy, so we made a few calls. Turns out the bus driver never reported the crash, so cops called a supervisor of the Kansas City Area Transportation Authority to the scene. At the bus yard, KCMO police officer Andy Hamil tracked down the driver. It was Michael Rowan, who was heading back with an empty bus after an early morning shift. A former school counselor, Rowan has been driving a bus since 1981. In all those years, he’d had only two previous accidents, according to the Transportation Authority.
Rowan turned out not to be the bad guy we thought he was. The driver told Hamil that he didn’t know he’d clipped the Hyundai. “I looked at that as cross-eyed as I could,” the skeptical cop says. “I would have written a [hit and run] ticket and let him tell the judge, but I didn’t see that as the case.” Rowan seemed nothing but believable, Hamil says, so he let him go without a ticket.
Rowan was equally convincing when he spoke to the Pitch. He says he’d gone up and down the 16th Street hill twice during his shift before the bus-into-Hyundai slide. He says he took 16th Street only because of a detour and wasn’t familiar with it. “I didn’t know how that hill was going to react,” he says. “I had no experience coming down that hill when it was slick.”
The Transportation Authority will now pay to fix the Hyundai, the owner of which was pretty damned happy that somebody had seen the collision. In a quick phone call, the car’s owner, Gabrielle Carrassquilla, said he’d send the Pitch a Christmas card. At least two good things came out of our snooping.
Cry-o-Meter
Potential for tears: 6 out of 10
Weepin’ Dick takes the Chiefs to Giants Stadium. KC and NYC both seek postseason berths, heightening the emotions of a fragile coach. Adding to Sunday’s drama, the Giants are mourning the death of pre-face-mask-era owner Wellington Mara. Win or lose, Vermeil will feel a lump in his throat on his last (or is it?) coaching trip to the East Coast.
