Big Fat Loser Turned Country Singer to Play in Kansas City

Jesus Christ. From the press desk:

Dan Evans – known recently for his success on NBC’s The Biggest Loser. The Frankfort, IL native took the self esteem boost he got from his 136-pound weight loss on the program and invested it in his longtime dream of becoming a country music artist. His dream-realized — his debut release on Executive Music Group — GOIN’ ALL OUT was just released in stores on September 30, 2008. In promotion for this release he is on the road touring and will be in your area October 11th performing at Main Street Café, doors open at 7:00pm tickets are $10.

Here is a bit about his upcoming album:

GOIN’ ALL OUT was co-written by Dan, with ASCAP’s 2002 Songwriter of the Year, Stephanie Lewis. Acclaimed songwriter and producer, Russ DeSalvo and guitarist/composer Jim Kimball collaborated to put together the album. Kimball, a noted engineer, has collaborated with luminaries such as Toby Keith, Reba McEntire, Tim McGraw and NSYNC. The title track will be the album’s first single to Country radio.

Here is how Dan is described on a page of his Web site: “TV Star, Hero, Musician, & an Inspiration to all.”

And yet — AND YET — the recovering chunk has a song called “I’m No Hero.”

Here’s an eye-raping fan video.

I’ll tell you what he’s not — a country singer. This is the same quasi-U2-ripoff pap that Nashville has been spewing out since it tripped over its own sagging labia and began thinking that Christian praise rock and country music are one and the same.

If you wish to leave a comment defending this guy and attacking me, bear in mind that as soon as I am done typing this sentence, I will never, ever think about Dan whatshisname again. Now where’s my cheese bucket?