Ass Kickin’
3/8 & 3/10
Our recent online discovery of “the world’s only ass-kicking machine” — designed by the white-haired Robert P. Booth — was the inspiration. We hoped to make our own ass-kicking device using the inventor’s tips, but it was too complicated. Even the handy Mr. Booth had some trouble with his machine, which once started up on its own and kicked its maker’s ass in broad daylight. So we decided that ass-kicking machines should be made only by people who know how to build stuff. Without a machine to kick ass for us, we would have to kick ass for ourselves. That’s where the River Market Fitness Center (114 West Third Street, 816-421-0660) enters the picture. The gym’s boxing instructor, Aaron Blake, invites potential students by cooing, “Lose your gut while kicking butt.” His 5:30 to 6:30 p.m. Monday and Wednesday classes are limited to the eight students who show up first. Blake, who has flowing, shoulder-length hair and full-sleeve tattoos, uses music by such bands as Rage Against the Machine to get his students pumped. The classes aren’t contact-based, though. Instead, Blake emphasizes the camaraderie of the sessions. He says his students are more about stepping away from the cubicle, sweating and letting out some aggression. In other words, the ass kicking is strictly theoretical. Group sessions cost $6 a person for nongym members.— Gina Kaufmann
Free Ball
Now we’re tall enough to spike.
3/4 & 3/9
Have you seen that commercial on television in which barely clothed female athletes play volleyball on a snow-covered beach? Those ladies are crazy.
We play volleyball indoors when it gets that cold, and so do the folks in Lawrence. The Recreation Operations Division of the Lawrence Parks and Recreation Department had the foresight to give volleyball players somewhere to go in the winter. But winter is almost over, and with it will go the Free Play Winter Volleyball program. Thursday and next Tuesday, people inspired by the commercial — or people who want to start getting in shape for when the beaches thaw out — can join a game or start their own at Cordley Elementary School (1837 Vermont Street) from 6:30 to 8:30 p.m. Free Play is open to adults 18 and older. The balls are provided. Just don’t wear black-soled shoes.— Michael Vennard
