An Annotated Version of a Note from the Star‘s Publisher

By ERIC BARTON

The Kansas City Star announced today that it wants to lay off more employees in its attempt to move from a mainstream print publication to a blog written in someone’s basement.

The announcement came via an e-mail by publisher Mark Zieman. The note includes plenty of corporate mumbo-jumbo such as “explore every option to navigate the current recession” and “involuntary reductions to augment the voluntary program.”

Here, then, is a paragraph-by-paragraph analysis of what Zieman is trying to say with his coded e-mail.

Subject: Voluntary Separation Program announced

To Star staff:

Beginning today, we will be offering a Voluntary Separation Program to the majority¹ of regular, full-time employees at The Kansas City Star.

¹ Unless you’re last name is Zieman or you’re currently in a relationship with me, I’ve got some bad news for you about your job.