Alonzo Washington: unregistered superhero

Last weekend, I was reading Rolling Stone when I came across a tale of real-life superheroes called “The Legend of Master Legend.” Master Legend is an Orlando-based masked crusader, complete with secret lair and sidekick, The Ace.

But what struck me in the story is that many real-life heroes are listed on the World Superhero Registry or the Heroes Network. (Damn, who knew Utah needed so many heroes?)

I wondered if we had a local caped crusader registered with any of these syndicates. Surely Alonzo Washington would be recognized for his heroism (albeit with a twist of homophobia, attention whoring and race baiting) among the Green Scorpion, Citizen Prime and Insignis (who, oddly, dresses like San Francisco’s Zodiac killer). I mean, the guy calls himself “Alonzo Crimesolver.” He also has an alter ego, Omega Man, who’s “too black, too strong.” And he has the Omega Mobile and a scooter an Omega-Pod.

Alas, our hero isn’t registered, possibly fearing a government ploy to unmask and ultimately control superheroes, just like in Marvel’s Civil War, which preceded the death of Captain America, who saw registration as an afront to our civil liberties. Live free, Alonzo. — Justin Kendall