A station for men who need big trucks

97.3 the Planet. Yeah, I remember that station. I once tuned to it while in the Crown Center parking garage so that the smooth, reassuring voice of Jack Johnson could guide me safely to a spot near the closest entrance to the Crayola Cafe. Still, I felt the changeover, from the laid-back-sorta-freeform-hit-independent-alternative station to the soul-sucking-butt-rock-small-dick corporate shitfest that is Max FM, well, to me that was like setting fire to a really nice tree. What harm was tree/Planet doing? People liked tree/Planet. Now that tree/Planet is gone, we can see straight into Steven Tyler‘s house and it’s like watching an emaciated corpse those days when he walks around naked, peeing into flower vases and scatting Wakakow! Wakakakakow!.

Well, the Planet has returned, staking out a spot online and streaming a high-quality wave of its trademark “World Class Rock” for free. I finally tuned in for the first time today, and they were playing the Goo Goo Dolls. I began wondering whether most of the people who were pissed off when the Planet was driven off the air are also the sort of people who come over really nostalgic when they hear the Goo Goo Dolls. Wow, now they’re playing Del Amitri.

Lapses into coma. Wakes three minutes later to hear — I shit you not — “Bubble Toes” by Jack Johnson. Throws up something black and putrid and dies on his desk.

Meanwhile, on the Max, in the past 10 minutes or so, we got “Jet City Woman” by Queensryche (no, you don’t get the umlaut from me, bitch), “I’ll Be There For You” by Bon Jovi, “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails and now they’re playing “Tom Sawyer” by Rush. Ha, I’m immune to this shit, but I still don’t think it should be on multiple stations in every market in the U.S. The cumulative effect on the collective unconscious can’t be healthy.

The Goo, in all their beauty

But what I’d really like to talk about is the Goo Goo Dolls again. You may not have known it, but they were in town recently. A friend of mine met them at the Drum Room downtown. He went in for a nightcap, and there were the Dolls, in the Goo. And get this: It was the day before Valentine’s. Without his permission, here is the ecstatic and totally embarrassing email he sent:

So you’ll never guess who I ran into last night, Yep. that’s right. How’d you know! The Goo Goo Dolls. I was at the drum room. The hotel bar at the hilton president hotel downtown and there were some guys talking about the new record they just mastered. So I rudely asked them who the hell they were. They were actually really nice dudes. The singer and I had a long conversation about talent and needing to share that with the world. I’m not laughing. Why do you think that’s so funny! Anyway I told them that I would stop by tonight to see if they wanted to go to the burlesque show at the brick. …

And on it goes. Unfortunately, Johnny Rzeznick & co. were evidently not in the mood for burlesque on Valentine’s. I was sorely disappointed. I would have even taken the bass player, but none of them showed up. It turned out that they were in town to play at that huge Wal-Mart Conference. Think about that next time you listen to the Planet online, and shed a tear for the fallen — sorry Faded Glory — of the Goo.