A Case of DisKemper
You just don’t mess with the Kemper family’s sheep. The American Royal found that out in 1999, after Kansas Citians (goaded by morning disk jockeys) raised hell because the livestock show’s organizers wouldn’t let socialite animal lover Mary “BeBe” Kemper have her way with the lamb she’d bought for a record bid of $23,500. She wanted to return Skidgee to its exhibitor, little twelve-year-old Jill Elswick of Albia, Iowa. But the Royal said no, and Skidgee eventually went to the slaughterhouse.
Hell, if that’s the typical price a Kemper pays for a lamb, we can’t really blame BeBe’s son, Alexander “Sandy” Kemper, for leveling a fatal shotgun blast at the dog who allegedly killed four sheep last month on his genteel Walnut Hill Farm in eastern Kansas City.
Apparently the American Royal isn’t the only institution with enough balls to stand up to Kansas City’s version of the Ewings: Police reportedly issued Sandy a ticket for discharging his scattergun within city limits.
We hope BeBe sent the dog’s owner a complimentary signed copy of Seeing Zach, her 1999 book of watercolors and bromides about Timmy, a boy who learns to see God in his dog — without becoming dyslexic — after Zach the canine dies.
“Timmy,” says Gram, the boy’s spiritual mentor, “the things you love about Zach are qualities or ideas of God, shining out from Him through your friend.”
The grandmother sends the grieving Timmy on a vision quest to discover his dead dog’s best qualities in other people. He recognizes “loyalty” at a July 4 parade. “Unconditional love” comes from Dad after Timmy tramples the tulips yet doesn’t get beaten. “Caring” he discovers in himself after singing songs and washing dishes with his job-weary mother — a touching scene no doubt ripped from the pages of the Rufus “R.” Crosby Kemper family diary.
If BeBe hopes for Sandy ever to bond with a dog the way Timmy did, perhaps she should send him to the Web site of Wayside Waifs, Kansas City’s Humane Society, where she sits on the board of directors. Sandy might benefit from the education program called “Safety Around Animals,” which teaches “the correct way to meet a dong [sic], when to leave an animal alone, and what to do if a strange animal approaches.” We suspect that shotguns aren’t part of the curriculum.
