Coffee & Death: Crows Coffee destigmatizes difficult conversations about earthly departures

Courtesy Death Cafe

Death is a topic not normally discussed over a cup of coffee—but local coffee shop Crows Coffee is changing that.

Crows’ monthly Death Cafe events encourage open dialogue between attendees about death, a topic heavily stigmatized in most environments. 

Founded in 2014 at South Plaza, Crows Coffee has grown to three locations serving fresh baked goods and coffee with a goal of uplifting the community. Outside of supporting local businesses by giving them a place to sell their food, Crows Coffee also organizes events to bring people together. 

The Death Cafe events happen on the last Monday of each month at the Waldo location, not as a grief counseling session but to reduce the stigma around death itself. Crows Coffee barista and community outreach coordinator Kalista Schwartz began the event at Crows 3 years ago after realizing she had valuable insight into the topic when her dog passed. 

“My journey helping my dog die, and kind of that process of dying, was the catapult that really transformed my mind of how I think about death,” Schwartz says. “It went from me being really scared of death and it’s this void no one knows about, to really being in a process with my loved one.”  

Soon after her dog passed, Schwartz’s grandmother passed away—another experience that helped her understand the death process more deeply and introduced her to the benefits of Death Cafe events. 

“My grandmother, who was my idol in life, her passing was sad and hard for me. And that’s when I found Death Cafes. She had a beautiful death, so I talked about that,” Schwartz says. “The value of community, especially when it’s not just your family and close friends but strangers, with these varied backgrounds, is unmatched. You have all these different tips and suggestions people have that can help you with things you’ve never even thought of.” 

Death Cafes aren’t a new concept to KC, with other events held around the metro. Schwartz’s event is left open-ended and with no target audience—a welcome discussion for curious attendees and those struggling with a recent death alike. 

“I’m not a counselor; that’s not its purpose. It’s not a storytelling event, but it’s anything related to death and dying,” Schwartz says. “People come and tell their story of almost dying, or about a loved one passing. Some people come curious, just wanting to be around people to talk about it.”

Though Schwartz attends and sets up each event, she doesn’t facilitate or structure the conversation outside of setting ground rules and giving a history of Death Cafe discussions.

“I give a bit of history and basic house rules of kindness and keeping it to your story, then they start. I’ve asked a question maybe once or twice, and I’ve done this for almost 3 and a half years,” Schwartz says. “People just have things to say about death and dying, whether it’s their own or an experience they’ve been through.” 

Attendees have name tags and get to introduce themselves at the start, then the circle discussion begins. Schwartz also has her “death deck” to spur the conversation if it stalls, a stack of cards similar to tarot cards with questions to begin thought about death. 

Schwartz says everyone can gain something different from attending a Death Cafe, including finding a comfortable space to continue to share their experience.

“You don’t ever get over a death; you just kind of learn to deal with it in surprising ways, and what’s hard is that feeling of no one holding space for me anymore, but I’d like to talk about that person,” Schwartz says.

Many people attend Death Cafe to overcome their own fear of death, which Schwartz reinforces is normal and should be talked about. 

“Being in an environment where people talk about it without it being scary, just being more like, ‘Hey, it’s going to happen,’” Schwartz says. “These are some of the realities. No, you’re not alone; your feelings aren’t wrong and weird. It’s normal to be fearful of death. I think it makes people feel a little bit more at peace with what’s coming.” 

Schwartz’s hope is attendees leave feeling present in their day-to-day life, enjoying each moment without fear of the future. 

“My desire for people is to help them live more presently. We don’t know if we have days, years, decades, whatever. So, we should live more presently with the life we have,” Schwartz says. 

The next event is 7:00 to 8:15 p.m. at Crows Coffee in Waldo on Monday, August 31. Attendees do not need to RSVP. Crows Coffee is open 6 a.m. to 7 p.m. daily.