Nan Turner’s musical comedy Sequins Before Noon turns 90’s figure skating on its head

Nancy Kerrigan (Nan Turner), Tonya Harding (Rita Hanch), MG (Annie Lemmon), and LaVona Golden (Danielle Anderson) // courtesy of Sequins Before Noon and Nan Turner

Nancy Kerrigan (Nan Turner), Tonya Harding (Rita Hanch), MG (Annie Lemmon), and LaVona Golden (Danielle Anderson) // courtesy of Sequins Before Noon and Nan Turner

I have no prior experience with an independent theater in Kansas City. Do they all involve Oksana Baiul’s dead mother getting her daughter addicted to uppers? Well, certainly they have Stanley Tucci scoring a bump off Olympic gold medalist and four-time figure skating world champion, Scott Hamilton? If they don’t, they probably should start.

In the meantime, Nan Turner has you covered.

Sequins Before Noon, playing from January 15 – 18,  is a musical about 90’s figure skating, a comedy about ghostly murder plots, and a drama about mother-daughter relationships.

As I approached the opening night show, I considered turning around in the pothole-infested parking lot of The Black Box and going home. I hadn’t done my yearly brush-up on late-20th-century ice dancing prior to the show. Surely, I would be making a fool of myself by going to the premiere skating musical-comedy. I had to tell myself WWNKD (what would Nancy Kerrigan do?) and limp onward and face the music. Luckily for me, no prior knowledge was needed as the warning, “SOME NAMES AND EVENTS MENTIONED ARE TRUE, BUT MOST OF THIS IS NOT TRUE. LIKE NOT AT ALL” flashed on the screen before the performance. What followed was a flash bang of sequins, wigs, and all the fake cigarettes you can smoke.

Nan Turner, the show’s writer/director/actor, dares to ask, “What really happened at the Lillehammer 1994 Winter Olympics during the ladies’ free skating figure skating event?” Sure, the real event didn’t involve a murder plot devised by the mothers of Nancy Kerrigan, Tonya Harding, Osakana Baiuls, and Courtney Love–but it’s fun to fever dream about. This 13-person all-woman show is part-musical, part-comedy, and fully-absurd

In a theater packed with family, friends, and die-hard fans of 90’s figure skating, it was easy to see why it was a sold-out show. Everybody was having fun. The cast took their craft seriously, yet didn’t take themselves seriously. Each song is performed accompanied by a dramatic grab of the mic, spontaneous background dancers, and choreography that seemed straight out of Just Dance for the Wii (complimentary). Every actor is given the spotlight to deploy not only their vocal cords, but their improv-esque characters to keep the loose and fun show rolling.

The best part about Sequins Before Noon is that I can’t even describe it without sounding like I need to be taken to the nearest hospital. My favorite performances of the night were: ‘a song where the aforementioned mother quartet aired their grievances against selfish daughters’ (Skate Moms) and ‘the song where Verbe Lundquist gives Scott Hamilton an inspiring message to start a new life after drugs’ (One Foot in Front of the Other). Each musical number surprised me. Some embodied teenage angst through a 25-year-old figure skater. Others were moving ballads between Courtney Love and her mother.

Not enough yet? Maybe join a lesbian takeover of the venue; a video posted on social media encourages an LGBTQ+ friendly Saturday show—“Queers in the cast. Queers in the audience.”I’m glad this was my introduction to the drama-filled world of figure skating in the 90’s—a great cast and catchy songs are my preferred learning method. While it wasn’t perfect (I don’t even think the cigarettes and wigs were real), that’s part of the charm. Niche 90’s references and light-hearted rhymes overflow in one of the wildest concepts I have seen on stage. I can’t wait for the performance on ice.

Get tickets to Sequins Before Noon here.