Keep Them Coming: Porn with a conscience
Kristen Thomas. // Photo by Nicole Bissey
Everyone has an opinion about porn. Some love it, some want to ban it. Politicians like Josh Hawley think incels exist because of porn and video games, and there may be some truth to his words. Many of the negatives ascribed to porn consumption, such as social withdrawal, the creation of unreasonable expectations about sex, or early exposure to simulated sexual violence, have some validity.
Free platforms often include a multitude of problematic content. Scenes may lack enthusiastic consent. Videos can be pirated from studios or stolen outright (revenge porn should really be referred to as “image-based sexual abuse”) and monetized by a total stranger or an ex. Bodies are edited in post-production to erase labia, enhance veins in penises, and remove every stretch mark or back pimple, creating a false sense of what’s real or normal for consumers.
There’s little depiction of reality in much of the porn industry, because realistic sex isn’t sexy every single second. Furthermore, the vast majority of the intended audience (straight men) have not been given the opportunity to view variety. They have been spoon-fed a narrow view of what is sexy for far too long. Thankfully, several platforms have emerged that aim to change how and what we view for erotic visual entertainment.
Ethical porn, sometimes referred to as feminist porn, has emerged as a multi-million dollar subsector of the adult entertainment industry. To be considered ethical, it must include a few elements: everyone is consenting to everything in their scene; the performers are of age, substance free, and of sound mind during filming; every performer is treated with respect and receives equitable pay for their work.
Degradation and humiliation can be a kink or fetish for some, and, therefore, it has its time and place in the genre. What sets ethical porn apart is that humiliation of a performer is not a focal point—It’s not the tool used to build eroticism in a scene for the viewer, but rather as a mechanism of pleasure for the performer. Pleasure, consent, and respect are always at the forefront, even if you’re being degraded by your top.
Ethical porn sites often describe themselves as being “shot for the female gaze”. The directors, performers, and production studios are purposeful in being the antithesis of what’s been churned out ever since Deep Throat brought the genre out of the peep shows and art houses and into theaters and VHS players. Far too many films and videos involve objectification of the female performer for the sole purpose of a man’s pleasure, whether that be the performer or the viewer.
Ethics around pornography must not only consider the way consumers engage with it, but it has to begin from the bottom up with how the performers are treated—both on screen and behind the scenes.
Lilly Sparks, founder of Afterglow, a platform for ethical porn, says in a PR video on their site, “My biggest misconception about the porn industry when I joined was that the women performers are frequently victims of exploitation and trafficking. But in order for something to actually be considered porn, it is between two consenting adults.”
Himeros.tv has a performers’ bill of rights that includes points about consent, fair compensation, free mental health services for performers, and they have an on-site sex coach during filming to support a consensual and sex-positive experience for everyone on set.
Ethical porn often features a wider variety of bodies, ages, gender expressions, and sex acts. Founder of Make Love Not Porn Cindy Gallop has long been advocating for depictions of real sex between real people to replace the overproduced, unrealistic content available on most platforms. Since her 2009 TEDtalk, in which she called out society, saying, “We live in a puritanical double standards culture where people believe that a teen abstinence campaign will actually work, where parents are too embarrassed to have conversations about sex with their children, and where educational institutions are terrified of being politically incorrect if they pick up those conversations. So it’s not surprising hard-core pornography has become de facto sex education.”
Make Love Not Porn is not anti-porn—it is opposed to the constructs that most people have around porn. “Because the porn industry is driven by men, funded by men, managed by men, directed by men, and targeted at men, porn tends to present one worldview. Porn says, ‘This is the way it is,’ and what I want to say is, ‘Not necessarily,’” says Gallop. Her site was unveiled at that time as an educational resource, and has evolved into a platform for porn content creators and offers a revenue sharing model, circumventing the industry dominated by men who created the issues.
Everyone can benefit from watching ethical porn, not just women, feminists, or queer people, but especially men. While this genre centers diverse bodies and queer storylines, it’s ultimately most beneficial because of its authentic depictions of erotic acts. Even if you are a straight white man, you’re gonna find something you enjoy. Just like with any freebie site you’ve perused before, some videos turn you on, some don’t, but just keep scrolling until something… pops up.
Finding ethical porn is pretty easy these days with an online search using that phrase, but you will have to pay for it. Plus, age verification requirements are spreading like wildfire in red states, forcing most sites to require payment for access. Site subscriptions range in price and benefits; Most have a trial period, and after looking at their sites, you’re likely to find one that offers the style or categories you’re into. If the idea of paying for porn turns you off, remember that it can’t be ethical if the performers aren’t being paid. Your consumption has value to you, or you wouldn’t be watching, so it’s time to pony up.
When you purchase subscriptions to sites like Erika Lust Films, Bellesa, Afterglow, and more, you’re participating in harm reduction, as well. “If you’ve ever felt an uncomfortable feeling on a free porn site, because you weren’t sure if the performers are being treated fairly, then it’s imperative to consider buying your porn,” says Kinkaid McMinn, a certified sex coach. “By buying your porn, you are directly contributing to circumstances that can prevent possible abuse you feel icky about on a free site.
You can find Kristen @coach_kristen_ on Twitter or openthedoorscoaching.com. Check out her podcast Keep Them Coming
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