Snuggle Sesh: Professional cuddling is an increasingly popular career for a touch-starved crisis

Art by Teddy Rosen

Who are professional cuddlers?

It’s hard to ignore the existential crisis that is ongoing in a lot of our lives at the moment. Maybe a boyfriend took off with your best friend, a girlfriend needed to discover herself in Cancun with Julio, or your roommate can’t respect the refrigerator rules. Oh, and also the Gestapo is a thing again.

In a world of distance and digital loneliness, the professional cuddler is there to give you what society sometimes can’t: a connection to another human being.

“I started by cuddling NICU babies,” says Keeley Shoup, a professional cuddler and CEO of the cuddle service Cuddlist. “Then, one day, I heard about professional cuddling and went to a cuddle party. It was a group event and the first hour was about communication, how to set boundaries, and ask for consent.” From there, Shoup decided to truly change the world, and, in 2015, started Cuddlist—an online platform that allows professional cuddlers to connect with clients.

To get started as a professional cuddler for Cuddlist, you must become certified. This is a two-week intensive online and in-person class whose topics include how to cuddle, set boundaries, and have open communication. They also perform background checks on their cuddlers.

Over the years, Cuddlist has taught therapists, massage therapists, and other professionals who wish to expand their services. There are real health benefits for clients who are touch-starved. A good cuddle can help lower your blood pressure, improve heart health, increase oxytocin, and reduce the symptoms of stress and depression.

There is no doubt that the service is needed. There’s a cultural focus on a male loneliness epidemic and high suicide rates. Women, people of color, and the LGBTQ+ community face their own specific heightened sources of isolation—not to mention the toll that COVID has taken on consistent physical connection.

It’s safe to say that all of us are craving the real, the physical connection, but are having trouble finding it.

“We help a lot of those that are struggling with grief, such as the loss of a spouse,” says Shoup, who still has a full roster of clients. “Also, men and women that are career-focused and can’t devote their full attention to a relationship but still need the benefit of touch.”

Other clients include those who have been the victims of sexual assault and want to reintroduce touch in a safe and appropriate setting such as a therapist’s office. Or maybe you have just moved to a new place and the loneliness has sunk in. Whatever the reason, the demand is obviously there.

Once a session is booked, there is a process to follow that includes an online meeting between the cuddler and the client. Here, each has a chance to communicate with the other about expectations. Many cuddlers take in-call or out-call appointments, meaning the cuddler’s place or the clients. Some even offer virtual cuddling which is a two-hour comforting conversation.

At the first physical meeting, the initial ten minutes are spent going over boundaries and the process.

“The way I put it is that boundary is the fence around the playground,” Shoup says. This can be where to put hands, what positions the cuddler feels comfortable with, and expectations. Each session usually lasts an hour. And depending on your preferences, there are a lot of cuddle positions to choose from.

The ‘zipped’ cuddle is each person sitting next to each other while their legs are intertwined, thus creating a zipper. The ‘stargazing’ cuddle is both participants on their back, often holding hands, and looking up at the ceiling. This type of cuddle promotes conversation and security. And of course, the ever-popular ‘spooning’, especially for those who never get a chance to be a little spoon.

On Shoup’s TikTok channel (@yourcuddletherapist), she shows a position called the ‘heartbeat’—one partner sits upright, the other sits next to them, turns their body into the client, and places their head up against their client’s heartbeat. She even shows where all the arms are supposed to go without crossing boundaries.

One of the largest aspects of cuddling the consent and limitations of the action. Critics may even sometimes falsely classify this as sex work given the intimacy. It’s a question that Shoup has gotten plenty of times before.

“There is some confusion,” she says. She explains that a professional cuddler is healing a need and there is no sexual contact. And when a client does cross a boundary?

“This doesn’t happen often. We redirect hands or actions when it gets uncomfortable at first. If that fails, we then talk about what about the action is wrong. At that point, the cuddler makes a decision to end the session or not.”

The way Shoup looks at this is that “remembering and setting a boundary is giving someone kindness. I celebrate those boundaries, and, 80% of the time, it’s because people are uncomfortable with touch.”

Shoup recommends that clients ask if their cuddler has certification or if they specialize in certain demographics. For example, some cuddlers specialize in vets, elder care, grief and loss, or disabled populations. Knowing that someone understands your circumstances without needing to voice it can be a great comfort to many clients.

She also recommends asking why the cuddler does this service. For Shoup, it’s about providing comfort to those who need it most. It’s a form of therapy that is often unacknowledged, yet extremely necessary.

There are several websites here in Kansas City where you can find a professional cuddler. Cuddle Companions, Cuddle Comfort, and of course, Cuddlist. Prices can range anywhere from $65 an hour to $150 with a two-hour minimum. If that’s not enough, some offer overnights or to be your travel companion for a weekend.

There may be embarrassment attached to reaching out for the first time, but Shoup emphasizes that there shouldn’t be. To be in need of physical touch to help cope with our world is not only normal but should be encouraged. And professional cuddlers like Shoup are more than happy to make it happen.