E. Thomas McClanahan confused by language, science, the world

• The Star
• McClanahan’s favorite color isn’t green.

Won’t someone please help E. Thomas McClanahan? He’s stuck in his La-Z-Boy again, barking half-remembered Google-search results as he fart-squirms toward the Marie Callender mini pie on his TV tray.

The Kansas City Star‘s resident Flat Earther has been a little adrift since the election ate his brain. Like a new retiree, McClanahan has had to learn what to do with the free time that comes with no longer sucking Paul Ryan’s Rand sac. Then again, a writer more conversant with the nuances of 21st-century media – and less beholden to the hoariest conservative talking points – might be excited to stake out fresh turf at the dawn of President Obama’s second administration.

Not E-Tom.

The latest thing steaming up his little glasses is a golden oldie: climate change.