Keep Them Coming: DIY during International Masturbation Month

Keep Them Coming with Kristen Thomas. // Photo by Nicole Bissey

I’m not going to beat around the bush—Well actually I am because May is International Masturbation Month. We have Good Vibrations—A San Francisco-based sex toy retailer to thank for this 31-day solo sex-positive extravaganza. International (FKA National) Masturbation Month was founded in 1995, after the firing of Surgeon General Dr. Joycelyn Elders—Our nation’s first Black Woman to fill the role—for suggesting that including masturbation in our education talks could halt the progression of a deadly epidemic when asked her thoughts about the topic.

Dr Elders responded during a Q&A segment of a forum gathered for World AIDS Day in 1994 in New York City: “I think that masturbation is something that’s part of human sexuality and it’s part of something that perhaps should be taught. But we’ve not even taught our children the very basics. And I feel that we have tried ignorance for a very long time and it’s time we try education.”

One week later, President Clinton—who should have been more solo sex-positive himself—forced Dr. Elders to resign. Mind you, this was at the peak of the AIDS epidemic, which didn’t begin to subside until 1995. Solo sex, AKA masturbation, is a great alternative to risky sexual behaviors that can lead to unwanted pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections, and maybe even taking advantage of a young intern in the Oval Office.

By encouraging open discussions about sex, for one, people can gain a better understanding of their bodies, desires, and how to then discuss it with their future lover(s). It helps to normalize a natural and healthy aspect of human sexuality, reducing stigma and shame surrounding, not only self-pleasure, but all bodily pleasures.

Exploration of the kinds of touch you want—light, firm, tender, rhythmic, cupping of the balls, or DJ Vulva moves—everyone likes something different. Plus, it may depend on what your hormones are up to or how much you’re finding inspiration for mental fantasy exploration. Your brain is, after all, your biggest sex organ.

Solo sex is the safest form of sex. That’s not a statement on virtue or encouraging abstinence, but by destigmatizing solo sex and encouraging safer sex practices, everyone can create a more supportive and sex-positive world. If you weren’t raised with sex-positivity in your household, it’s never too late to begin!

Why do I call it solo sex? Because “masturbation” isn’t seen as sex by some people. The word itself is seen as vulgar to other people. Lastly, sex writer Michael Castleman—author of Sizzling Sex for Life—once told me on my podcast that the Latin root of masturbation means “manual defilement of oneself.”

Solo sex is not a defilement of our body. It is one of the safest and quickest ways to experience pleasure, and the cultivation of pleasure is one of the few things that separate us from primates. But, I still tend to use the two terms interchangeably.

I can think of several cases where it is better to rub one out:

• When you get a late-night “u up?” text. Just say no to booty calls.
• When you’re wondering if you should call your ex. No! You’re just horny! Have two orgasms and reconsider in the morning.
• When you’re reading the latest spicy book from Under The Cover Romance Book Shop or listening to audio erotica from Dipsea.
• Before going on a date. That way you can decide if you like them instead of getting tricked by your raging hormones.
• If you can’t sleep. Orgasm releases oxytocin and endorphins, which can contribute to better sleep quality. Masturbating before bedtime may help you fall asleep more easily and get into deeper, more restful sleep cycles.
• When you have cramps, back pain, or a headache. You can get a dose of endorphins when you cum, which is a natural pain reliever.

Masturbation allows people of every gender to explore their bodies, preferences, and fantasies. Understanding one’s own sexual response cycle can lead to improved sexual experiences, alone and with partners. If you’re in a relationship and not getting off on your own, consider it as part of a formula for enhancing intimacy and satisfaction in relationships. Maybe you’re good, but can it be even better?

OMGyes.com is a resource for vulva owners and vulva lovers, alike. It is a virtual classroom about the findings of the largest study ever conducted about pleasure for women from the Kinsey Institute. It’s hands-on if you have a tablet, but its most valuable component is modules designed to inform, normalize, and offer technique guidance.

No Fap, No Way

It’s funny how ‘semen retention’ gets plenty of play on TikTok and Instagram, but I can’t use #SexEducation on either app. However, there is worry among medical experts that promoting this trend is promoting an unhealthy and unnatural approach to men’s sexual health. “The popularity of no fap ideas indicates a failure by the traditional medical establishment to serve the many people experiencing real concerns around sexual health, performance, and desire,” according to a recent NPR piece by Lisa Hagen.

Out of the 39 states (plus the District of Columbia) that have some sort of sexual health education as part of the school curriculum, only 13 require medically accurate sex education. No wonder myths permeate our culture so easily, leading to both physically unhealthy and mentally repressive means.

For people with a prostate, regular ejaculation through solo sex or sexual activity may help reduce the risk of prostate problems, including prostate cancer. Studies link increased instances of ejaculation with lower chances of prostate cancer because it expresses free radicals and lactic acid.

Also, hypertension is a contributing factor to heart disease, the top cause of death for Americans. Hypertension can be alleviated with activities such as exercise, dietary changes, and stress reduction.

Masturbation can be a natural stress reliever. The release of endorphins during orgasm can promote feelings of relaxation and well-being, helping to alleviate tension and anxiety. Regular sexual activity—including sex for one—may help strengthen your immune system. Increased circulation and the release of certain neurotransmitters during arousal, orgasm, and even via touch, could contribute to a healthier immune response.

A motto of mine that clients are familiar with me saying is, “Exercise, meditate, masturbate. If you can do one a day, great. If you can do all three, even better!”

Use International Masturbation Month to promote sexual health, empowerment, and education. By openly discussing and normalizing solo sex, we can create a more sex-positive culture that values self-exploration, consent, and pleasure.

You can find Kristen @OpenTheDoorsKC on Instagram or openthedoorscoaching.com. Check out her podcast Keep Them Coming.