Funny Water is no joke

Funny Water. // Photo by Sarah Sipple

Move over hard seltzers. There’s a new kid (trying) to shake things up. Only this one won’t explode. Funny Water is an alcohol-infused water with zero bubbles. We did a taste test of the full product line ahead of the Kansas City area launch.

The drink’s tagline is “The responsible way to behave irresponsibly, “ which can be a clue towards its low ABV and—perhaps with more inference into the use of “active” in marketing—the low calories. As the former President of Creative for festivals like Bonnaroo and Outside Lands, PJ Loughran, now CEO of Funny Water, wanted an alcoholic drink that would fit his active lifestyle. A smooth but low ABV concoction was thus designed for adventurous but mindful consumers like him.

Funny Water flavors include Blueberry Açaí, Ginger Lemon, Cucumber Mint, Jalapeño Lime, Watermelon, and Citrus. Blueberry Açaí and Cucumber Mint are my favorites due to the flavor and scent profiles equally enhancing the experience. Both had a pleasant fragrance and taste that seemed straight from the garden, with no hint of alcohol. The Cucumber Mint variety tastes more concentrated than spa water and is somehow just as smooth.

Jalapeño Lime is fascinating. A true taste of spice or heat, unlike the mere suggestion of pepper that is found in most jalapeño—or chili-flavored beverages. Watermelon and Citrus were the weakest of the flavors, but the smoothness is still there, allowing them to go down easily. Only true lovers of ginger will appreciate the Ginger Lemon variety, which is nearly absent of lemon.

Funny Water. // Photo by Sarah Sipple

The flatness is impressive. I expected a diluted version of the common canned cocktail, but the clarity and smoothness hit the mark. Any taste or smell of alcohol is undetectable to an average nose, and it’s not due to any of the added flavors being remarkably strong. Notably, these are best when served very cold. As they warm up, the taste of booze becomes more discernible. 

Funny Water’s base comes from fermented cane sugar, making it a gluten-free product. Unlike most hard seltzers on the market that have around three grams of carbs, this has zero grams of sugar and only one gram of carbohydrate. The alcohol by volume sits at 3.75%, slightly below the average of 4.6% for hard seltzers and 5% for beer.

Who is this for? People who think the bubbles in Quirk or White Claw are just too much. People who like to dress up their drink and get creative with cocktail recipes but aren’t so keen on high alcohol content. People who sip slowly and don’t finish a hard seltzer before it has gone flat and prefer it that way. People who have to avoid carbonation for medical reasons. People who are reducing their alcohol consumption but still want to hold a trendy new can at parties.

Who is this not for? People who prefer carbonated drinks.

Funny Water is available at select Missouri stores such as Hy-Vee’s Barry Market and Rice Market locations, Gomer’s on 103rd Street, Lukas Liquor Superstore North and South Missouri locations, Cheap Smokes & Liquor in Liberty, and more.