Beat It

Of all the movies you could be spending your December with, why would you want to end up at Drumline?

“Hey, dear, wanna go see the new Scorsese flick, or maybe one of those Julianne Moore movies you like so much?”

“Nah, I’d much rather see some film with no-name teen actors about college kids who walk around with drums. It’s directed by the guy who did those ‘Whaaasssup?’ beer commercials.”

It’s either an extremely canny bit of counterprogramming or a tremendously heinous mistake that Fox is this week releasing a movie about … marching bands.

If you are now or ever were in marching band, the film’s a must-see. If you’re anyone else, however, bear in mind that this movie’s climax features the kind of college-football halftime antics you might normally take a bathroom break to avoid watching.

Like the similar, funnier Bring It On, Drumline is bent on proving that marching-band participants are genuine athletes. Likewise, at this school, no one cares about the football team; it’s the marching band that goes to state contests. The problem is that sooner or later you’re going to have to watch, and listen to, many scenes of a teen brass band performing renditions of soul songs.

Our hero is, of course, a fish out of water. Devon Miles (Nickelodeon star Nick Cannon) has an absent father and calls New York home. Recruited by an Atlanta college called A&T by coach Dr. Lee (Orlando Jones in a rare and none-too-impressive dramatic turn), Devon shows off his mad skillz despite the fact that he hasn’t yet worked his way up the team hierarchy. We’re supposed to be on his side, but antagonistic upperclassman (and surrogate drill instructor) Sean Taylor (Leonard Roberts of He Got Game) appears perfectly reasonable when he yells at Devon for getting cocky.

There’s a love interest, dancer Laila (Zoe Saldana, better in Crossroads), whose parents are pressuring her to be a philosophy major. (Devon’s response: “Damn, girl, you part of Oprah’s book club?”) There’s a rival school, which does better in band contests because they use contemporary songs, something Dr. Lee won’t do because he’s one of those buttoned-down black men who loathes hip-hop. (To ensure our sympathy, however, the rival coach turns out to be dishonest.) And there are sidekicks, including a token white guy, a token macho chick, a token fat guy and a token frat boy. The white boy (played by the simply named GQ) gets a subplot that (surprise!) involves learning to get rhythm.

If movies are about being able to identify ourselves on screen, it’s a good thing Drumline exists. Now marching-band alumni have a movie that tries to represent their college experiences fairly. (They may even understand the climax: Why is the final showdown between the drumlines alone?) That doesn’t mean it’s entertaining for the rest of us, though. But the instructional pictures that run alongside the end credits are a nice touch.