Helloween

In 2000, Germany’s Helloween signed with indie-metal behemoth Nuclear Blast and attempted a full-blown comeback with a solemn effort titled The Dark Ride. Three years later, the group returns with an oddly titled album that showcases Helloween’s sunnier side. On a positive note, this shiny, happy strategy includes the recruitment of Motorhead drummer Mikkey Dee, whose pummeling pushes every tempo into the danger zone. Unfortunately, Helloween’s newfound joy also translates into ample use of keyboards, which are always dangerous in the hands of a Eurometal band.

Setting free the dragon from the dungeon, Helloween follows its worst prog-rock instincts on orchestral maneuvers such as “Listen to the Flies” and “Never Be a Star.” That these tweeting monstrosities are set to some of the drippiest prose this side of the Waterworld screenplay only makes it more abysmal. “Sun for the World” begins with a sitar before kicking into an epic ditty about a boy called Life from an alien netherland. When the band is not busy hunting Hobbits in space, it’s spewing lord-of-the-cock-rings drivel like “A Little Sign,” which includes the heart-fluttering lyrical valentine Something’s growing in my pants/As she looks into my eyes. Passion is one thing, but this from a band that once boldly declared that “Heavy Metal Is the Law?”