Representin’ the … Where Are We?

When St. Louis rapper Nelly goes on tour, he gives shout-outs to the “314.” When USC running back Reggie Bush plowed through Texas in the 2006 Rose Bowl, he had the numbers “619” smeared like war paint beneath each eye. Over the past few years, musicians and celebrities have been giving props to their area codes as a fast way to show respect to their boys back home. Of course, it was only a matter of time before someone in the fashion world completely screwed up that trend.

Recently, the Department of Burnt Ends noticed spiffy new “913” ball caps for sale at Sportsfan, an apparel shop in Oak Park Mall. The powder-blue hats had 913 on the front and a Royals logo on the back.

But then we took a closer look at that map scrawled across the top of the hat. Down by the left side of the brim is scrawled the address “Royal Way.” Huh? Last we checked, Kauffman Stadium was firmly rooted in the 816, yo.

Down the road from that mistake is what appears to be the address for Arrowhead. Again, that’s 816. And what’s worse, it’s spelled “Chefs Way.” It seems like somebody was watching classic Snickers commercials.

Then, up by that little button at the top, there’s Interstate 87 in place of I-70. We hate to break it to you, 913 fans, but I-87 is a far cry from KC — in New York.

Dave Brimmerman, assistant manager of Sportsfan, says he knows the hats are not exactly representing the 913. But he’s kept them for sale, hoping the flub would go the way of a rare baseball-card misprint, translating into great sales. Sadly, no. “These are not that popular, because most people realize that the Kansas City Royals belong to Kansas City, Missouri, and not Kansas City, Kansas,” Brimmerman says. (Yes, the hat salesman is named Brimmerman.)

Still, after he marked down the standard “913” caps — from $32.99 to just $20 — some did start selling. Indeed, some Johnson Countians appear to think the Royals should belong to them, too.

At his store, Brimmerman scrunched up his face and raised his hands like he might throw a gang sign.

“Pardon the expression. I’m white,” he says. “But it’s to reprezzzzent.”