Here’s a Proposition for the Royals: an Exorcism

By CHRIS RASMUSSEN

On Sunday, Kauffman Stadium hosts the Eucharistic Family Crusade to celebrate the Feast of Corpus Christi.

It would be easy to mock the inherent contradiction of praying for peace in today’s world at the same time one celebrates a naval victory over the Muslims in the 16th Century.

But I identify with our visitors. After all, these are people of faith who visit Kauffman Stadium.

I, too, am a person of faith: I’m a Royals fan. To be a Royals fan for the last 20 years, one requires the faith and the plate discipline of Job.

I suffer for my faith. Since the strike, I’ve endured the departure of David Cone with my team run by a committee approved by the IRS, an organization not noted for its baseball acumen. I witnessed Bob Boone attempting to demonstrate his Baseball Genius, Tony Muser’s old school emphasis on defense at first base, former Royals manager Tony Peña’s manic-depressive managerial stint and Buddy Bell’s stubborn decency. I prayed that former Royals GM Allard Baird never again picked up the phone if Billy Beane called. Most of all, I despair at the mere thought that the top priority of our owner David Glass, a Wal-Mart executive, is to reduce expenses at all costs.

I’m not alone. Lots of fans suffer for their faith, although their faith may differ from mine. Some are ultimately rewarded, but quickly forget the time they spent in the desert. Some worship false gods, even the money changers. Some get frustrated and leave church early to beat traffic. Some even worship the Devil.

Some use narcotics to dull the pain and act as if their church is Sodom or Gomorrah, stopping only to soil themselves.

Those are Cub fans.

Irrespective of the faith one chooses, one must not lose it. While many believe I am a fool for following the Royals despite abundant evidence that it is a lost cause, my faith inexplicably remains.

So, to our visitors: welcome. Pray hard.

We need all the help we can get.