Billy Packer Retires: Suggestions for Future Employment

By CHRIS RASMUSSEN

CBS announced yesterday that college basketball analyst Billy Packer is no longer the head NCAA basketball analyst. This comes as a surprise, as I thought his tenure was akin to that of Supreme Court justices, who can urinate in their robes or author Bush v. Gore and yet keep their jobs.

I worry about Packer. In retirement, with little or nothing to do, he might lash out at customer service personnel and any child who dares play on his lawn. To help him avoid idleness and save his family from a nervous breakdown, here’s a list of potential future employment opportunities for Mr. Packer:

1) Wal-Mart Greeter: He will instantly criticize you for the direction you choose when entering the store, prematurely describing your shopping experience as “over” and “completely finished.”