Dear Brett: Please Leave

By CHRIS RASMUSSEN

Dear Brett,

This is difficult for me.

I don’t want to see you anymore.

Like most beautiful people used to having their asses kissed, it has warped you. The constant praise you receive from others has made you a narcissist, and it isn’t quite as cute now that you’ve aged.

Yes, you used to be so beautiful to watch. Not anymore.

The fact is, now you’re just another old, vain star way past their prime: the Norma Desmond of Wisconsin. You haven’t noticed – there are publicists and announcers who are overeager to describe every movement you make as if it were spectacular.

I’m tired of you stringing people along with your indecisiveness.