The Real Housewives Is Really Over

By JEN CHEN

Just when everyone’s neuroses on The Real Housewives of New York City were

starting to get interesting, Bravo had to crash the hagfest and air the season finale last night.

The drama had been swirling around our favorite former Fort Scott resident, the socially ambitious Alex McCord and her gay/not-gay husband Simon. The other Housewives wanted to have a girls’ night out, but because Alex can’t go anywhere without Simon, they both showed up. Alex claimed that the other women should have said no when she asked if she could bring him, but the other chicks insisted that she should have just known and shouldn’t have asked to bring him in the first place (true). Anyway, Housewife Ramona had a major hissy fit upon seeing Simon, which made her eyes go all buggy in her tight face. She later stomped out of dinner, claiming that she had previous plans. We later learn that Ramona’s mom was powerless in her marriage, so Ramona gets all insane whenever she sees women being all co-dependent.

In last night’s episode, Alex and Simon meet up with a couple of the other Housewives at a charity event. Talk turns to the big Girls’ Night Out debacle. Alex says that she doesn’t get the whole concept – she’s for gender equality.

“Take that issue to Capitol Hill,” snorts Bethenny.

“Why can’t we talk about vibrators in mixed company?” Alex neighs, in an attempt to be witty. In the meantime, Simon’s laughing a creepy honking “haw haw” laugh at this sexy talk. Other minor Alexcentric subplots: Simon has to go to Australia for his stepfather’s funeral. They’re going to be separated for nine days! The horror! In the meantime, Alex takes her 4-year-old son Francois to a child psychologist to get tested for preschool. Francois, whom Alex and Simon talk up as being a multilingual child genius, manages to come off as charming. “I’m too smart for you!” he tells the doctor.

Then, the episode ends with a big dinner of all the Housewives and their families. They’re seated in a private room at the 21 Club. Alex shows up in a silky, subtly-patterned mustard yellow pantsuit with a matching loose-fitting, short-sleeved, button-down shirt. It’s reminiscent of the ethnic clothing that Pier One used to sell in the ’80s

Anyway, Ramona starts needling A&S about their nine-day separation. “Were you allowed to have a girls night?” she bitchily asked. They both handled her pretty well and answered that they spoke three times a day. In the meantime, Francois is running around and screaming. Then, he started stabbing Bethenny’s boyfriend’s $30 hamburger with a plastic toy. Bethenny says something like, “He can translate ‘Twinkle Twinkle’ into Latin. But wouldn’t it be more useful to teach him not to stab his friend’s boyfriend’s burger?”

Next week: The reunion special, in which Alex talks about the naked pictures of her that’s floating around. Yeah, that’s right. Naked Alex. Enjoy!