Which bad song should the Royals play during the sixth inning this season?

You may recall that last year, the Royals’ sixth-inning song was changed from Garth Brooks’ “Friends in Low Places” to Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing.” The team subsequently went on a winning streak, and later advanced to the World Series, where they faced the San Francisco Giants. Unfortunately, Steve Perry, the lead singer of Journey and co-writer of “Don’t Stop Believing,” is a massive Giants fan. There was some trouble. To continue playing “Don’t Stop Believing” as the sixth-inning anthem, especially after the Royals’ crushing loss to the Giants in the Series, feels very wrong as a result.  

The Royals’ home opener is next Monday. It is also the first installment of Play It Forward, where fans can vote in a bracket-style elimination tournament for which song will be played in the sixth inning this year. There are 16 songs to choose from, with two songs going head to head at each of the first eight home games. 

Here’s the song match-ups, along with some half-considered thoughts and armchair handicapping.

Monday, April 6: “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey vs. “Minnie the Moocher” by Cab Calloway

This ought to be a no-brainer. “Minnie the Moocher” (it’s the one that goes “Hidee hidee hidee hi/Hodee hodee hodee ho) is probably the best of the 16 songs, a spooky classic that was played regularly during the Royals’ ’80s heyday. Bonus points because Cab Calloway used to lead a band called the Missourians and because of the song’s references to cocaine and opium. For reasons cited above, “Don’t Stop Believing” is the worst choice in this entire competition and should have never been included in the first place. 

Wednesday, April 8: “I Gotta Feeling” by the Black Eyed Peas vs. “I Want You to Want Me” by Cheap Trick

Some people really hate “I Gotta Feeling.” I don’t know. I guess technically it is a terrible song. But I kind of like it? It lifts me up, in some way? Gives me a boost of some kind? I am maybe kind of terrible?

Anyway, I think it’s a better anthem than “I Want You to Want Me.” At least with “I Gotta Feeling,” you can apply its lyrics to the game, as in “I gotta feeling tonight’s gonna be a good good night,” for the Royals to win the game. What does “I Want You to Want Me” have to do with anything? Also, Rick Nielsen is from Rockford and thus probably a Cubs fan.

Thursday, April 9: “Small Town” by John Mellencamp vs. “Livin’ on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi

“Livin’ on a Prayer” is so wildly overplayed that it is hard to even hear it. It just sounds like moist air at this point. But it should advance over “Small Town” because Kansas City is not a small town. It is one of the 50 largest metropolitan areas in the country. Stop pretending like your Midwestern life is wholesome and simple. The way of life that once made small-town life beautiful has been dismantled by large corporations, and you probably work for one. You use GPS in your car and you go to Panera and you wouldn’t last a month in Moberly. Just stop it.

Friday, April 17: “Summer of ’69” by Bryan Adams vs. “Friends in Low Places” by Garth Brooks

If there’s going to be a summer-themed anthem, it should be “Boys of Summer,” by Don Henley. “Summer of ’69” is garden-variety nostalgia porn, sung by a Canadian. It is a worse song than “Friends in Low Places,” but Brooks’ tune is possibly cursed: Those were some bad Royals years when it was the go-to song at the K. Gotta go with Adams here. Related: “Cuts Like a Knife” is kind of underrated. 

Saturday, April 18: “I Won’t Back Down” by Tom Petty vs. “Get Down Tonight” by KC & the Sunshine Band

Two Floridian acts here. Petty is from Gainesville. KC and the Sunshine Band is so named because the singer’s last name is Casey and they’re from Florida, which is the “Sunshine State.” The nod goes to Petty because (1) Tom Petty rules, and (2) “I Won’t Back Down” is an appropriate song to play when the Royals might be down, either in the game or in the playoff hunt. Tom Petty won’t back down, the Royals won’t back down, the fans won’t back down, we are strong and mighty and undiscouraged by adversity! 

Sunday, April 19: “Old Time Rock & Roll” by Bob Seger vs. “I Want to Rock and Roll All Night” by KISS

“Old Time Rock & Roll” is an uninspired pick — “We’ve Got Tonight,” “Night Moves” and “Against the Wind” all seem like stronger Seger choices — but it’s better than “I Want to Rock and Roll All Night.” We need to do better at ignoring KISS. All of us, together. We can do it.

Monday, April 20: “Ring of Fire” by Johnny Cash vs. “Louie Louie” by the Kingsmen.

“Louie Louie” feels like a song that should be played in a stadium. “Ring of Fire” doesn’t. I have mixed feelings about how Cash songs have become bro-bar anthems. Is there a way to explain what I mean by that without coming across as a joyless snob? Probably not. 

Tuesday, April 21: “Twist and Shout” by the Beatles vs. “Centerfield” by John Fogerty

“Centerfield” is a bit obvious but not a bad choice. Like “Minnie the Moocher,” I remember hearing “Twist and Shout” at Royals games as a kid, so it has nostalgic appeal for me. Also, the Beatles were British and thus unattached by place of birth or residence to any MLB teams. Ringo probably goes to Dodgers games, but it seems unlikely he cares very much. 

Follow the action here starting Monday. Royals! Royals! Royals!