Whale Tale

For some reason that surely only the Creator of All Things comprehends, the Kansas House of Prayer — I mean, Representatives — has named July 25, 2006, White Whale day. According to a dispatch from Merge Records, the Kansas House issued “certificates of congratulations” to the Lawrence indie-rock group.

Being on fax-only terms with God (He still hasn’t gotten back to me re: my 2001 missive “Why does it always rain on me?”), I can only guess why the Kansas Legislature decided to give its stamp of approval to the Whale. Could it be that 10th District rep Tom Holland of Baldwin City is related to White Whale member Zach Holland? Hmmm … nepotism in the House?

Eh, I’m too lazy to find out.

More likely, it’s because the book Moby Dick has been banned in Kansas for the last five generations, thus all the legislators assume the band’s name is a reference to the biblical (read: true) story of Jonah and the leviathan — a fish tale of faith, obedience and the mercy of the Lord. Unfortunately, because the teaching of evolution has also been banned in Kansas, the lawmakers don’t realize that whales are mammals and, therefore, the bottom feeder sent by the Lord in the Book of Jonah wasn’t a whale (after all, Jonah would’ve gotten caught in the baleen and drowned had the Lord sent forth a whale) but rather a bloody great fish.

Still, I don’t recommend anyone make the Kansas reps aware of this discrepancy. It’s not every day a state government awards a random indie band a blue ribbon for coolness.