Masturbator on the loose at the University of Missouri

A serial masturbator is terrorizing Columbia. University of Missouri-Columbia police are on the lookout for the whacker after a man was twice caught stroking it on campus in recent days.

According to police, the suspect was seen rubbing one out on the east side of Stankowski Field around 2:44 a.m. on March 22. The suspect was described as a “black male, college aged, with a slender build, wearing a gray T-shirt

and eyeglasses.” There’s no description of his pleasure piece, mercifully.