NBA’s Void of Algebraic Knowledge Still Vacant

By CHRIS RASMUSSEN

Memphis fans wish Darrell had failed algebra.

Local college basketball fans act stunned that Kansas center Darrell Arthur may not have been “college material” and lacked a working knowledge of algebra.

In other breaking news, man bites dog and Generallismo Franco is still dead.

Anyone who follows college basketball knows the following:

1. Talented basketball players with absolutely no interest in academics often attend college

2. Some basketball players don’t study particularly hard while in college

3. Players leave as quickly as possible if they can get drafted into the NBA

It isn’t a shock that college athletics is a sham; what’s shocking is that no one particularly cares. It is almost a conspiracy to suspend disbelief.

The NCAA and its member institutions pay lip service to players attending classes, but ultimately profit from million-dollar television contracts, merchandising, shoe contracts and filled arenas while actually prohibiting anyone to pay its labor force a dime.

The coaches talk about instilling character in young men (occasionally in advertisements for credit cards), then leave the players they recruited the minute a better job comes along.

Fans fill out their tournament brackets and taunt their co-workers after a big win, ignoring whether the players actually care in pursuing a degree in “General Studies” (where future graduates dazzle the world with their knowledge, as long as the conversation lacks specificity).

The NBA gets a free developmental league in which every new player receives massive publicity.

In short, everyone has a reason to pretend that college basketball has something to do with “college.” But when players aren’t qualified to attend a university and don’t care about classes while they attend and leave as quickly as they can for a professional career, the terminology changes.

It then becomes minor league basketball with fight songs.