Daily Briefs: Sorry about your testicles, pothead.

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In a disturbingly specific instance of anatomical and fiduciary braggadocio, rapper Mase said “I’m young, black and famous / with money hangin’ out the anus” in the song “Can’t Nobody Hold Me Down.” Weird, but truly aspirational for a man like me, who is barely a hundredaire. I, too, would like to have money “hangin’ out the anus.” Meanwhile, my favorite joke about money is going into a restaurant, snapping a twenty-dollar bill at the hostess, and saying, “Me and my friend Abraham Lincoln were hoping to get a table.” HAHAHAHA! And then not giving away the money. It’s funny because it’s true! The reason I bring it up is because, after the jump, there’s some stuff about money, gasoline and marijuana presented as a BULLETED LIST OF ITEMS, you guys, only without the bullets. And I was hoping to persuade you to click through with the help of my friend, Abraham Lincoln. Click here or here: