Daily Briefs: I may need to be kidnapped and deprogrammed.
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Despite all my rage, I am still just a salivating dog in a cage: Here’s how I know that President Barack Obama’s first term is going to be — well, I was going to say “a cakewalk,” but I have no idea what that is. Maybe it’s actually something really difficult, like factoring equations! Plus, “a cakewalk” sounds like something from 1900 that an old person like Harrison Ford could tell you about. So, here’s how I know that Barack Obama’s first term is going to go down smooth, like lightly carbonated Rondo soda, another thing from Harrison Ford’s boyhood. It’s the headline “US Warships head for South China Sea After Standoff.” I have to admit, the first thought that crossed my mind when I read that was: “FUCKIN’ BUSH.” HAHAHA! I was literally reduced to a spectator as that phrase scrolled through my brain’s Times Square Jumbotron newscrawler.
It’s like a Pavlovian conditioned reaction, at this point. From now until I’m re-conditioned by circumstance, every time there’s some unexpected U.S. military aggression, or some equivocating about what the Constitution “means,” or some idiot nomination to an important post, my reflexive conditioned response is gonna be, like, “RAAAAH! FUCK BUSH! DAILY KOS! MICHAEL MOORE! GRAAAAAAAAH!” Because I’m a giant arugula-eating liberal, or something? That’s what you are if you didn’t vote for George W. Bush. It’s a simple Manichean dichotomy; either you’re all up in George W. Bush’s crack, or you blew up the World Trade Center. GAAAH! After eight years of constant repetition, I can’t get this shit out of my head. How am I going to adjust to this new, more nuanced world?
It’s always darkest just before the dawn of expected pretax earnings of $49.3 billion: Thank Jesus the banks are OK, I guess we can have our jobs back, now? Bank of America, THE WORLD’S BIGGEST BANK IN THE UNITED STATES, expects to make a profit this year. I think that really points to the inherent business savvy in accepting $163 billion in capital and guarantees from the federal government, it’s such a fundamental principle of banking that they teach it at first year Bank School. Here are some other things Bank of America learned at Bank School:
Bank Of America Sues ID Theft Victim For $23,312.04
77-Year-Old Man Sues Bank Of America Over $10,000 In Undisclosed Fees – Wins
Bank Of America To Charge For “Free” Checking
Thanks, Bank of America: “I Deposited A Check That Dosen’t Exist, And I Have A Receipt.”
