Report: Hallmark Discovers New Emotions

According to published reports, Kansas City-based Hallmark has discovered three previously unknown emotions that can be captured in greeting cards.

They’re: requiapathy, “the combination of relief and guilt that comes with the sudden realization that you no longer miss a dead loved one”; seprudity, “the feeling of appreciating a coworker’s dedication without fully understanding his or her job function”; and trepatiousness, “a synthesis of rage and jealousy, though more muted and often accompanied by a sensation of weightlessness.”

At this point, we should mention that this news came courtesy of The Onion. Read more here.

We know that this news isn’t exactly real. But it’s funny because we’ve been feeling requiapathy over the death of Jerry Falwell.